hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
