If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
