I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I could make wine with my vomit
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
