Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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