I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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