you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize