Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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