Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
