And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
