Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
