what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Damn victory sex feels great
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