Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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