Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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