just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
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NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
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We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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