I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
