What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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