and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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