Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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