New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
