Jerry, you need to find god
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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