remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
