yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Green mimosas i think yes
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
