my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
