someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
