i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
