Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
