Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
