Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
