I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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