just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
