pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
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You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
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How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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