His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
