people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
