last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
