I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
