I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
