I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
