You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
