new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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