I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
