How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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