If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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