I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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