the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
