Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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