He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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