apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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