I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
