Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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