so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
