PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
