Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
