So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
