oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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