My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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