I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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