i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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