Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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