nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
