I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
