the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
