my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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