By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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