well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
