he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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