she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
