I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
