This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
