Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
